Re: Baltosios, ir ne tik, eilės... tikrai ne kvenija
Kaip jau visi žinote, PJėjus paskelbė, kad "Hobitas" bus trilogija. Ta proga pamąsčiau, kas galėtų būti toliau. Nežinau, ar čia juokinga, ar graudu, bet gal kam pasirodys smagu perskaityti. Atsiprašau, kad angliškai.
***
Three "Hobbit" films. What's next?
So, Jackson announced that „The Hobbit“ will be three films. Let's see what else there can be, in the form of a hastily sketched timeline.
Summer 2012: PJ announces third „Hobbit“ film. Some fans rejoice, others weep, many shrug.
2012/2013/2014: „The Hobbit“ trilogy breaks all sorts of box office records and whatnot.
2015: During Comic-Con, Jackson announces that he has a „new project“ in the works. Later that year, it is revealed that the project is a rework of „The Lord of the Rings“. Jackson doesn't state whether he will direct it, or just be the producer.
Early 2016: rumours start milling that Jackson is talking to many famous directors about remaking LotR.
Summer 2016: Jackson makes an official announcement. His new LotR will be six movies, „the way Tolkien intended“, each movie being one of the six parts of the novel. He neither confirms nor denies that the Appendices will become a seventh film.
Late 2016: Rumours about director are put to rest with the announcement that each film will be directed by a separate director. Shooting commences in December.
2018: „Lord of the Rings: Shadow of the Past” airs. Directed by Christopher Nolan, it is an epic tale about an orphan who lost his parents to a terrible accent when he was still a child, and ended up raised by his eccentric uncle. Frodo then embarks on a quest of self-discovery and nazgul-fighting, until he reaches Rivendell with the help of epic sidekicks.
2019: „Lord of the Rings: The Ring Goes South” airs. Directed by Quentin Tarantino, the film tells of a band of nine extremely talented and experienced commandos on a mission to bring the Ring from Rivendell to Mordor. Highlights include a two-hour-long Moria fight scene and an hour-long Falls of Rauros fight scene.
2020: „Lord of the Rings: The Three Hunters” airs. Directed by Peter Jackson, it is a three-hour-long tourist presentation of New Zealand.
2021: „Lord of the Rings: The Ring Goes East” airs, despite most non-die-hard fans thinking it‘s just a remake of the second film. Directed by the Wachowski brothers, it is a surreal tale of two hobbits cast into a shadow and dream-like world, from which there is no escape. The major plot point is the question whether Gollum/Smeagol is real or just a figment of the hobbits‘ imagination. The answer is revealed at the end with a 30-minute-long exposition talk between Sam and Faramir (played by Samuel L. Jackson).
2022: „Lord of the Rings: The Fields of Pellenor” airs. It is directed by Roland Emmerich and is the most expensive film in the history of cinema. Dissatisfied with the portrayal of the Battle of Hornburg in „The Three Hunters”, Emmerich recasts it as a flashback scene. Together with the Battle of Pellenor Fields, it is the longest action scene in the history of cinema. Emmerich reportedly tells the critics that he drew inspiration from „The Silmarillion”, specifically The War of Wrath. This causes a short renewed tension with the Tolkien Estate, but eventually everything is settled.
2023: „Lord of the Rings: The Fall of Sauron” airs. Jackson trusted James Cameron to direct this one, and it breaks the last year’s record for the most expensive movie ever made. It contains a heart-breaking love story, an epic battle (Scouring of the Shire), a philosophical message, a journey, expensive CGI, expensive decorations (Life size Minas Tirith) and so on. The film earns all 24 Oscars (Foreign language is Sindarin, CGI passes for animation… you get the picture) and is universally praised as a masterpiece. Most purist Tolkien fans cry in their sleep, Tolkien rolls in his grave fast enough to power all of Oxfordshire.
And the strings crescendo like the sunrise in the sky
The percussion section thunders like the storm clouds in their wonder up on high
The brass is roaring like the mighty ocean’s tide
Creation is music, and music is creation
Nai i cala Eruo siluva tielyasse...